There was an art presentation/gallery at my school this afternoon and I took a bunch pf photos and sent them to my email… only to come home to ZERO photos in there. TF man -_-

@shutupleena

When my confindence is low, I tend to react to my environment in the most negative way. I don’t want to be bothered. I don’t want to be annoyed. Barely talked to. Only a very few amount of people could potentially cheer me up. Potentially. It’s just the very opposite of the way I usually am.

Ironically, when I feel I don’t look my best… someone/people do.

I had to learn and apply that to many situations in my life. On the outside, through your eyes, it may appear to be one thing, whether good or bad (usually bad). But through the eyes of someone else, it (they) may be the most beautiful creature walking the Earth. So who are we (I) to say anything.

I came to a realization when I got home today. A realization that I don’t want to accept, but have no choice but to. A realization that has always been there, but I’ve been avoiding because it simply made things easier. When I tend to over-examine things, that’s when I realize how difficult and messed up things really are. If only things in our imagination came true in reality. If only things were as easy as we wanted them to be.

But, maybe.. maybe things weren’t suppose to be easy. Maybe things weren’t suppose to go too far… or as far as it is now. Maybe your sole purpose in my life was to come in, help us to both learn things about each other and then slowly, gradually, over-time… fade.

It sucks thinking that way… so I wont. Repression time.

You ever had one of those friends that you gradually grew apart from? Especially some one you were really close to. Maybe even someone you considered a very best friend. I have one of those. The way people change (for the worst) isn’t a good feeling. However, life doesn’t stop for them. The most you can do is wish them best and pray they’ll stray from whatever path they’re on right now. And after speaking with an old friend today, I’ve come to fully accept and be thankful that we did grow apart.

My dad was right,
My sister was right,
My ex was right about you.

I didn’t understand then, but now I understand completely what they were trying to inform me about. It’s kind of funny now that I think about it.

It’s a Sunday afternoon in NY. The sun is out. The weather is amazing. The breeze is refreshing. I have some much work that I have to do however. Essays/Assignments to complete, laundry, and minor house chores to do. But for some reason, my spirit right now is so mellow. I literally have no worry at all. My being is still. My being is at peace.

All I want to do right now, is listen to soft music and continue to be at peace with myself. This feeling that I’m feeling, I wasn’t capable of getting here alone. A great friend helped penetrate my mind (so much) last night. I feel liberated. I feel like the shackles that I was bound to for so long are finally broken. I almost feel like a new person. Thank you.

Now and then I think of when we were together, 
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die, 
Told myself that you were right for me, 
But felt so lonely in your company, 
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember.